Survivors. Some are pretty reluctant to join the undead horde and instead do dumb things like remove our heads or destroy our brains. Others are adorable, with their funny ways and their screams and their delicious flavours. Here’s our list of what we think are the cutest things survivors do as they flee our grasping, broken claws. Let us know on Twitter or Facebook if you can think of others!
Fighting amongst themselves
Living humans have so many conflicting motivations and needs, and with limited resources not all of their needs can be met. Objectively the sensible thing to do (even at the best of times) would be to negotiate patiently and compromise according to urgency. In a zombie apocalypse you’d think this would be even more sensible, since living humans become so scarce. They need each other much more than they need power over each other. But no, they insist on bickering over hierarchies and ethics. Isn’t it CUTE!? Nothing like that ever happens in a zombie horde. You never see any of us arguing about where we are on the map. We all always know exactly where we’re going: after them.
Lie about being bitten
Most of us remember being bitten (apart from those of us cursed by magic, infected by airborne particles, etc etc) and I’m pretty sure most of us decided to lie about it, right? Mortality seemed such a big deal at the time. We can all look back and laugh about it now, which is why it’s so cute when other living humans do it too. So worried, so upset, so pointless. Such naivety is enough to make you blush – if your blood hasn’t transformed into a thick black ooze.
Lock themselves in
You know how we (mostly) shuffle patiently along towards whatever thing we think we want? And how humans (mostly) move way faster than us? And how speed is one of their best advantages? But how they all dream of finding a fortress, then they seal up every single door, leaving themselves no escape routes? There’s that old saying about fish in a barrel… the look of surprise is always priceless.
Try to rebuild their previous civilisation
Honestly, why? There’s only two ways the zombie apocalypse is going to go – either our horde finally devours the entirety of humanity, or maybe humanity manages to crawl back from the brink of extinction. Either way things will never be the same again. They’re going to need to live near water, farm hard, put out their own fires, ride a bike or a horse everywhere, eat healthily to prevent catching the latest (non-zombie) plague, and constantly worry about our return. Even if enough survivors are left to attain the same globalised level of industry, it’s going to take generations. But they’re all so full of dreams. ADORBZ!
Sticking to cities
It’s pretty understandable since cities are where all the best stuff is. But everyone knows the streets belong to the undead. They’re no place for the living. Click here to help St Mungo’s prevent homelessness and help people get off our streets.